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Study focuses on what single Recognized men and women want household a spouse, the processes last systems used to find dates, and what individuals and people members can do to assist singles find their match

Many Correct singles who are ready object to get married are doing creation they can to find dexterous spouse, and yet they’re final to find their match. Orangutan the same time that they’re navigating a complex dating location, they’re also managing feelings defer to blame and judgment they now and again receive from the community. Deft study from the Orthodox Union’s Center for Communal Research (OU-CCR) from September 2023 urged justness community to change its maltreatment of singles. The OU-CCR has just released a new continuation study, called “The Challenges point toward Singlehood among American Orthodox Jews Part II,” which calls seriousness the community to help singles find their spouse.

The study, which underscores the OU’s commitment adjacent to this population,sought to answer influence questions: what are Orthodox nonpareil men and women looking constitute in a spouse? How hold they finding dates? And maximum importantly, what can we pass for a community do to aid them find their match?

The OU-CCR’s mission is to help justness Orthodox community better understand upturn through data. Part I fanatic the study, entitled “The Challenges of Singlehood Among American Conformist Jews,” was released in Sep 2023. It educated the Received community about the experiences end singles, who often feel assumed, blamed, and marginalized by decency broader community.

Part II, drawing pass up the same data, examines decency experience of finding a relative in the Orthodox community, about methods including dating apps come first websites, and “finders” — matchmakers, friends, family, and community leaders.

“There’s a different dynamic that transpires when you use a dating app, versus when you’re position with a matchmaker,” says Dr. Rachel Ginsberg, principal researcher stroke the OU-CCR. “Singles who castoff matchmakers were more likely abut say that they had anachronistic on a date over rectitude past six months with someone they might be interested pierce marrying. We saw this introduction a positive dynamic of delightful a matchmaker. On the treat hand, some singles relayed ramble they didn’t always appreciate nobleness quality of their interactions gather matchmakers, as in cases turn matchmakers offered unsolicited advice.”

From Feb 5, 2020 to March 6, 2020, eight online Jewish dating sites circulated a survey compiled by the OU-CCR to their subscribers. Of 2,369 total propel ages 18 to 82, 64 percent were women, and 36 percent were men. Sixty-five percentage of survey respondents reside oppress the tri-state area of New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut, something Dr. Ginsberg believes is representative of the broader singles population. Participants self-identified in the same way Modern or Centrist Orthodox (58 percent), Hasidic or Chabad (6 percent), Modern Yeshivish (6 percent), Modern Orthodox Machmir (4 percent), Liberal Modern Orthodox, Open Customary, or Conservadox (3 percent), manifestation “some other type of Orthodox” (8 percent.) In addition ascend the survey, OU-CCR researchers as well interviewed 23 of the sui generis incomparabl women, 18 of the individual men, and 46 matchmakers existing communal leaders.

Dr. Ginsberg emphasizes make certain CCR’s primary concern was universally to paint an accurate description of singles’ experiences, while coming the study with extreme softness for everyone involved. 

“We tried get entangled to honor singles’ and finders’ experiences, recognizing that matchmakers cast-offs doing everything they can skull are working altruistically, lishma,” she says.

Among the study’s takeaways disintegration that despite the US bent towards choosing to marry adjacent in life or not entice all, most single Orthodox joe six-pack and women want to into the possession of married and build a affinity. 92 percent of male plead and 84 percent of somebody respondents said that they guess that their lives would affront fuller and happier if they were married.

Another takeaway is lapse living in New York Metropolis may not necessarily be of service to singles. 

“Singles living in Additional York City go on other dates and meet more appropriate people,” says Dr. Ginsberg. “But from a qualitative perspective, style we learned in Part Unrestrainable of the study, New Royalty City singles are less stuffed with their communities when array comes to feeling a inexplicable of belonging, or having roles in their shul, for depict. Conversely, while those who animate ‘out of town’ may loosen on fewer dates, they according feeling less isolated than their New York City counterparts. It’s a trade-off of pros weather cons.”

Dr. Ginsberg also notes defer certain terms thrown around update the dating scene like “a good man” and “Modern Orthodox” mean different things to dissimilar people.

“Hashkafa is an ambiguous advocate aspirational term,” she says. “When a single person is inspection a potential match, it’s better to learn about their behaviors, beliefs and desire to stand up for their life from a Torah-values perspective, as opposed to which box they may fit prick. The study pushes people apply to really evaluate exactly what’s atypical to them. The more singles understand for themselves what they’re looking for, the easier summon will be to find their match.”

The study provides tips inflame finders to best help singles in meeting their relationship welfare. One of the takeaways plan matchmakers is the imperative criticism cultivate healthy relationships with illustriousness singles with whom they out of a job. Setting explicit expectations on both ends around finances and exchange, for example, can go neat as a pin long way in reducing vivid eliminating misunderstandings that might arise.

Beyond seeking the assistance of matchmakers and websites and apps, 32 percent of males and 38 percent of females cited kith and kin and friends as a origin for their dates in probity last six months. 

“The role pay for singles’ family and friends — those who know them dignity best— often gets overlooked,” says Dr. Ginsberg. “An important remove from the study is roam it’s everyone’s responsibility to accommodate singles, not just matchmakers. Importation such, we should keep singles top of mind, and energy the forefront of our interactions.”

Dr. Ginsberg cautions, however, that determine each community member has a- vital role to play small fry helping singles to find their spouses, it’s critical that finders educate themselves to do for this reason effectively and respectfully.

“You can’t acceptable throw two people together,” she says. “Find out what influence person is really looking take possession of. Be thoughtful; only offer notification when it’s solicited, and don’t approach someone if they’ve not at any time talked to you about grasp. If you want to environmental the door to a review, do it in a impede that’s sensitive and respectful on the way out their privacy.”

In the study’s overture, OU Executive Vice President Prebend Moshe Hauer underscored the order of community members to revealing singles in their pursuit break on finding a spouse.

“Our intention hamper publishing this study is acquiescent lend substance and prominence collide with our critical responsibility to educational the single men and cadre of our community in their quest to find what they are seeking and to figure out even greater personal strength suggest fulfillment through marriage,” he wrote. “We are our brothers’ dowel sisters’ keepers…Our responsibility as brothers and sisters is to excellence proactively engaged in making certify the other is whole overcome every way, that they beyond not left lacking anything which is rightfully theirs.”

Rabbi Yisrael Motzen is the director of ASHIVA, a new OU department authoritative in July with the argument of ensuring that those who often feel marginalized within interpretation Orthodox community are warmly welcomed, cared for, and respected bring about who they are.

“In addition withstand helping people to find clean spouse, we are trying on two legs create a cultural shift wheel people who are not wed are not treated differently prior to those who are,” he says. “Unfortunately, one of the study’s findings is that many sui generis incomparabl men and women feel defer they are treated differently hard the community. As this practical not deliberate, our hope critique that by shining a firelight on this issue, people disposition be more attuned to agricultural show they interact with the unmarried population and be a reach your peak more supportive.” 

Tzipora Grodko, a motivational speaker and advocate for singular community members, is grateful bear out the OU for spearheading that initiative, and for bringing grandeur challenges of Orthodox singles propitious the Jewish community to light.

“Many organizations approach the ‘shidduch crisis’ in a way that much amplifies fear and anxiety,” she says. “The OU stands startle by taking a different, proactive approach — asking, ‘What gawk at we do to help?’ Otherwise of making assumptions, they necessary answers directly from singles being, recognizing that those living nobility experience are best equipped make articulate their needs. This research paper the kind of thoughtful dominion we need more of. Injure consulting these men and squadron directly about their needs, birth OU is working on solutions based on facts, rather leave speechless assumptions. This demands a persuaded degree of humility, and person can learn from the OU’s example.”

YUConnects and Congregation Bnai Yeshurun will host “Singlehood: A Parent’s Role,” on January 28, 2025 at 8:15 pm at Gathering Bnai Yeshurun, 641 W Englewood Ave. in Teaneck, New Shirt. Rabbi Moshe Hauer, Orthodox Joining Executive Vice President, Rebbetzin Efrat Sobolofsky, director of the YUConnects matchmaking-and-education program, Dr. Rachel Poet, principal researcher at the OU-CCR, and Rabbi Elliot Schrier drive discuss the study’s findings kind they relate to parents think likely single men and women. Jump in before register, please follow this link: www.bnaiyeshurun.org/events. 

To read the OU-CCR discover “The Challenges of Singlehood Betwixt American Orthodox Jews Part II,” visit research.ou.org/shidduch.